How's life?

Its been almost 3 weeks i became collage student at KTT for A-level student. so how's life so far? hmmm everything is good i guess. ye lah i still remember once im teacher said, once you studied in Saser, campak kat mana2 pun boleh hidup. ye lah kot. cause my life at KTT and SASER dont have much differences. The kids here are awesome and all of them are bright students from all over the country. All have the same vision; to succeed in A-level so the we can fly to overseas to continue our studies. Most of them are future medical student.

hmmm ape nak cite lagi hah? nothing much happened, just a couple of moments that are out of our usual daily routine.

yes, im living in the house which now compact with 12 people. So you can imagine yourself how is it like. but im happy. Meriah rumah tu. macam dah semua benda ade. So feels like living in our own house dah. I don'nt bring any laptop so i can't update my blog regularly (alah kat rumah pun tak update-update -.-)

i thought i could take you our of my mind once i live a new life with new people, but you know, every time someone mentioning your name, my heart stops. Everything goes back to the place where i used to be. But im okay, cause i got a chance to meet new people and im not that stupid to let things happen twice, well not that okay cause im acting like i dont have feeling anymore. but im moving on, yes.

im going to keep updating my life, just one more thing to tell you guys, my maths, still sucks. im trying hard now. praying hard. see you later.

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One Step Further

Sooo whats up guys?

okay actually just wanna tell dah masuk kolej KTT dah :) Dah 4 hari di sana dan baru habis orientasi semalam (jumaat) . so yes, im moving one step further in my life and im excited about it.
now, ape nak cerita hah? macam korang kesah pulak kan. okay. im just gonna tell how is it okay. like physically. not my emotions.

Kolej Teknologi Timur (KTT) terletak dekat Sepang. So tak lah jauh mane dari Seremban. dalam 40 minit smpi lah. dengan speed bapak aku bawak kete mungkin 30 minit (sape yang pernah naik kete bapak aku bawak je tahu perasaan nye mcm mne hehe) . Aku under MARA untuk study dentistry. Di maklumkan disini aku bukan bound dengan Czech atau Poland. Tapi Australia atau New Zealand. kan dah cakap mara ni kelakar bab2 prank nih. hadoi. okay move on

Mule2 ingat kami akan tinggal di dalam kolej. just so you know kolej ni kecik je. comel. 2 rows of blocks of rumah kedai. ha dapat bayang? bawah and first floor kolej / classes, atas tuh yg rumah tuh apartment student. so nak g kelas terjun dri atas pun boleh. haha tapi bukan untuk student under mara lelaki. kami tinggal di luar kolej (yeah!) tinggal di rumah dua tingkat di tman berhampiran je.. so satu rumah 10 org tpi stakat ni rumah aku 8 je.

aku awal2 dah chop bilik untuk 2 org. Dengan harapan bleh tido situ sorg2 haha. tpi x pe lah dpat roommate. tak kisah lah bukan bapak aku bayah sewa rumah. haha.

Orientation week bermula lah. Macam2 aktiviti ade. tapi yang fun je lah kan bukan macam certain university (ahem2) but i was fun. Im in group 8. So we have to perform modern dance pada hari penutup orientasi. okay we danced High School Musical dance, and i got 'A Night To Remember' song -.- but we didn't win. takpe cause i have lots of fun and the seniors were great too.

Next monday start class. Im scared. 1.5 years of Cambridge A-level program. Hoping for the best. and i miss my friends. its okay maybe im gonna have a new friends or whatever, but you guys are still irreplaceable.

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is it true

is it true when you are so far away from someone you will just forget about them?

is it true when you are not seeing each other for a long time the feeling just gone?

is it true when that particular person just having a new life out there she/he just stop thinking about you?

is it true the feeling that you always convince yourself exist all this time is actually nothing at all?

is it true when you start a new life you will stop thinking about it?
just let it go like nothing happened?

i don't know how to feel anymore. i keep losing myself. keep drowning myself in the deepest darkest hole. i don't know anything anymore.

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incredible

i dont know i feel so inspired now to write or post a blog. i guess i just feeling a little bit lost right now, but reading other people's blogs make me realize how wonderful it is to let everything here, well, not everything.

so last post, yang berusia lebih sebulan kot (?) i told you about INDIA, how exciting it is, hoe INCREDIBLE it is to be there. well, its not a new news to tell you here but i guess i need to let you know that it was all gone. like only one sentence on the letter changed everything. my future, my imagination, my dream and what i wanted to do in future. maybe many people wont understand this but its okay i wont blame anyone. for a moment i felt lost. i dont know anything. everything went so blurry.

okay, mara changed the country, to Poland / Czech. a totally different country from india. yes. i went blank for a while until i just got to think how lucky i am. very lucky. so right now i dont really care what country i might be furthering my studies, all my focus is right now. get done with the A-level first. then think about whatever it is important THAT time.

well. i will pay INDIA a visit. cause i want to experience it myself. yes i will, insyaAllah. now, i have to get my ass work cause i need to settle everything about the collage. i still have 2 more weeks to go. not long huh?

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whats next?

hokay masa free memang banyak, sumpah banyak tapi nak buat satu post untuk blog ni memang la.. PEMALAS. tapi tak pe, aku gagah jugak la nak taip ni memandangkan memang tengah boring.

kenapa boring?

hmm bukak facebook je tengok yang online tinggal bape kerat je kot. semua dah sambung belajar. dak2 form 6, Uitm, matriks and even some kids yang dapat scholarship pun dah berambus awal2. jeles tu memang ade bro sebab diorang dah melangkah satu tapak, aku ni, semakin terbenam kaki dekat tanah. standing at the same freaking spot looking at people around me start their new chapter in life.

so aku ni bile lagi?

haha okay let me explain lah ye. matrik, dapat kuala pilah nun, ipta? dapat, Uitm puncak alam asasi sains tapi aku tolak kedua-duanye sebab dapat tajaan mara. MARA watlekje bagi tahu keputusan, program A-level, pergigian, kolej teknologi timur, Jun 2011.

haiyo memang tergelak jugak tengok. tarikh tu tak leh bla. ingat nak main teka-teki? nama kolej teknologi timur pun aku tak pernah dengar. my mom starts to make jokes said maybe the collage is somewhere in the middle of PANTAI TIMUR? hmm memang aku nak la kan pergi sane. memang nak. =.='

google tengok2 dekat sepang. so buat le research about the collage. so i will study Cambridge A-level. fuyooo Cambridge tuh. fly LONDON ke ni. Pale abah ko. i will be flying to india. kalau tak ada masalah lah. i knew this since the interview pun. so watlek je la. tak kisah.

so sekarang tunggu surat mara. tunggu tarikh sebenar nak belajar. tunggu otak ni hilang karat sebab dah lupe dah segala Bio, Chem, even Physics. Maths tak payah cite.

so now i start to reading blogs about people's life stydying in India. fulamak nak nangis bace. kena though. macam la aku ni though sangat. hmmm tak pe lambat lagi ye nak singgah india tuh.

blog kakak ni banyak membantu aku imagine how the hell India really is.

intanberlian

credit to Adila yang bagi link walaupun ake dah jumpe dulu. HAHA so at the side corner ade column nak tahu pasal india? okay i read every single one of it malam semalam sampai pukul 5 pagi. semangat lak ai. sebab cite akak ni lebih best kot dari drama korea? haha maybe

this post just me telling you guys what are the things keep bugging my mind these couple of weeks. okay i miss my friends yang dah pergi belajar. good luck okay? lepas ni aku pulak weyh. weyh. weyh.

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acceptance

have you watch Glee? yeah the show that have these bunch of high school kids, singing and dancing cool songs and having problems in life and we dont really seen them study or doing homework even the whole show is in school? yeah. cite tuh.

i never give much attention to the show, and its never been my fav show before, i just love some of the song they did, but after watching glee-athon, im kinda fell in love? i dont know. but they have this one episode called, "Born This Way" the whole episode was about self-acceptance. it made me thinking for a while, "did i ever accept the way i am right now?" yes, its a silly to think of it, cause we are Malaysian, hey, we are all fucking fake all the time, like i never seen anyone that really show who they really are unless they are with their best friends, i guess. cause we do fucking lie infront of our parents, right?

so do i accept the way i was born? pretty much yes, and it is such a sensitive issue to talk about but right now i just dont really care about what people going to think of me, like, seriously.

in school,

"shafiq, cube ko ubah perangai jadi lelaki sejati sikit"

"shafiq, cube jalan betul2 sikit"

"shafiq, cube makan banyak sikit, ni keding macam lidi"

well fuck them, since primary school, so dah lali and i never even give a damn. bukan benci or totally hate them, maybe they are being concern but, really dude? i keep telling myself that i am happy the way i was born, the way i am. i am living in this world not to make people happy, i am living to make myself happy as long i don't do drugs or whatsoever.

itu saja kot. malas nak cakap panjang2. HOI. pointless lah blog kali nih. haha
kalau tanya who's my fav? it has to be Brittany. haha

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leaves

just finished reading this novel today, A Season of Leaves.

i dont know what to say, i found this book at MPH Mid Valley months ago and paid it with my first month salary. i remember the day i bought it. i was with my friends and we hung around that store for hours and finally i found this book. i never heard of it but the words from behind the book makes me want to buy it. and it took me months to finish it because ive been quite busy with work and since ive resigned, and i have all the time in the world, i finished reading it.

well, i did cried while racing the words with my lips until the end of the lines, until the last letter written to Rose. it did made me felt the emotions that i tried to avoid these days.

its a story about love (of course), about hope. yes, hope. the way the writer wrote this novel makes me feel like i am next to Rose Pepper (the main character) i am with her through all her thick and thin in life. and what really gripped my emotions are the hardness she had to gone through just to be with the one she loves and to be free.

okay i dont know why in the hell im blogging about this anyway, but it just been in my head today. now i am ready to read new book. give me more.

and now, tengah bingung memikirkan pasal where to further my study. matriks ke? asasi kat U ker? tunggu keputusan MARA ker? I HAVE NO IDEA. Berdoa agar di tempatkan di tempat yang terbaik untuk belajar, untuk masa depan. but im ready to shopping stuff for study. haha. its excite me though.

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