everything

i dont know what to think of right now. cause everytime im think of something, i feel bad. i feel insecure. maybe theres a lot to think about. after the results day everything change. people change. and now i have to make decisions about my life. i hate to think of future. everybody moves on. they just make it like it is the easiest thing in the world to do. yes, i want to move on too, but sometimes i want things just remain the way it is. and everything i do seems not right. Ya Allah i leave everything to You. like i always do. You know the best. lead me to a correct path. i know You are always with me cause i need You in anytime of my life.

and you. yes you. if you think you are. i dont know if you read this but i think you are. i cant help to think you are already moved on with your life any im not the person on the page of your life anymore, well i wish nothing but the best for you, but just know that if you just open up to me for just once, everything would be different. but its okay, maybe its for the best. but i want you to know its always been you. all of the reasons, its always you.

Leia Mais

oh na na

i dont want to talk about anyone's SPM result yes, not even myself's. but today was great. i met everybody im dying to meet, the teachers, all saserians. and im very grateful, thank you Allah, my teachers, my parents, my family and friends. Korang yang membuatkan semuanya possible.

in my head;

• bile nak resign kerja
• nak apply scholarship ape
• nak amek University ape
• nak belajar ape
• nak buat ape
• nak sambung belajar ke? okay that would be crazy.

wow it just keep going right?

esok JPJ motosikal then baru nak dapat P. bapak lame ko buat ape kat driving school tuh *O*

Leia Mais

Invisible

listening to: wish you were here- Avril Lavigne

another off day today. my day went pretty simple. i do all the stuff i love to do, and spend most of the time by myself since sejak kerja susah gila nak to be alone. bila lonely duduk rumah sibuk nak kerja, skang dah being around people 24/7 heboh nak alone. manusia, begini lah cara hidup.

so facebook lembab. so i turn my attention to twitter. its not that bad. even dah buat twitter 2 years ago, baru nak berjinak3 activekan semula. but im still going to check on my fb, but not constantly online.

esok kerja balik. hmm. and i heard im not going to get off day on the SPM result's day. but it didnt freaks me out. oh please, im not going to work. i wont let work ruin my day. and now im thinking a perfect date to resign. i want a time off. before resume my studies. any what makes my worry is my mathematical skills, gosh not just mathematics i guess, everything. i really, really need to bo back on track and start thinking about my studies. i cant wait to start again though.

so please, please Add Math, Chemistry and Biology, come through my mind again, i miss you guys. haha.

Leia Mais

nothingness

listening to: Grey's Anatomy season 7 (unofficial soundtrack)

so budak plkn sudah balik. now im nervous. now i feel uneasy. kalau dulu cakap bile la spm results nak keluar cepatlah sikit nak jumpe kawan3. now, hell no. plkn people please go back to your camp, theres more to learn about loving your country and stuff. yeah. i cant stop thinking of it. sometimes rasa macam boleh staright As sometimes tak pulak sebab i definitely NOT satisfied on what ive wrote and answered on the spm papers. definitely. what i can do now is pray. i hope everything is going to be fine. nak tengok all my friends dapat keputusan gempak, if i dont get pun tengok diorang dah happy kot. my besties and i made this promise, if our names are called up for straight A, we will catwalk until we reach the stage and kiss pengetua. right yuna? wahahaha. kalau lah dapat.

i still dont know what is ahead me, i still cant imagine it, its blurrrr. maybe i do need to take a break from everything, sit down and think, what the hell i want to do in future.

Leia Mais

emotional

have you ever cry or feeling too emotional when you guys watch a movie or drama? well, these couple of days that was what happening to me. damn. i watched three sad, moving Japanese movies and they managed to leave something unusual in my heart. its not my first attempt or whatsoever watching romantic movies, but these three movies really are different from what Ive watched so far. i cant stop thinking of it, when a particular scene came across my mind, i felt uneasy and many questions running through my head. 'what if one of them not die?' 'what if the guy just confess his feelings?' ' what if she gave birth to the child?' and many more. i even felt like crying today when i was alone at the store room at my work place while taking out the stocks. am i being a little too dramatic? yes. its just a movie right? but i just cant stop thinking of it. shit. i think i might be addicted to it kot.

anyway, i tak kan bagi tahu how the story goes in these three films, tahu lah korang boleh google but saya tak promote pun, i just want to post about it.

and there's more pictures on my tumblr. bersepah. keje reblog jer. i cant wait to watch more movies like this. Korean maybe? haha












my best friend, Haqim will come to Seremban all the way from Terengganu. i hope he and his friends have a save journey. cant wait to see him.

Leia Mais

i want to do bad things to you

currently listening to: Says Who- Selena Gomez
currently reading: A Season of Leaves


another off day today, and it has been 2 days to the date i met all my close friends from saser and im still thinking about the meeting at mid valley last monday. there was a lot to talk about, and we did have fun. and one thing i realized that i was kept talking about my work place, even i could felt a little annoyed by it, but thats my life now, working at the freakin clothing store. i really wanted to shopping on that day but the only thing i bought was a novel. yeah, a novel. still reading it. never regret i bought it though.

okay stop the babbles. pagi ni bangun lambat for the first time in a month kot? memang dah tak biasa sebab hari2 bangun awal. one thing i hate about waking up late is the emotions. the mixing feelings that makes you feel misery or something. i dont know, kalau bangun awal, i feel great to start the day. and the reason is i watched japanese movie until 1 am and cant stop thinking about the movie and its hard for me to sleep. thanks to my friend, Cahaya, who shared her interest in karean/japanese movie and drama on the blog. so i end up bangun lambat. its a good movie and i want to watch more korean or japanese movies i guess. beralih angin la pulak.. so far my day is okay, i feel okay, just bosan sikit jer lah.

cant wait for True Blood season 4. i miss Eric and he's going to be hilang ingatan and stay with sookie :)

Leia Mais

my current life in 90 questions.

bila dah bosan, ni lah benda saya buat.

1. What was the highlight of your week?

JPJ test

2. Whose car were you in last?
my mom's.

3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
i dont know?

4. What color shirt are you wearing?
haaa light brown. im wearing it since this morning. :)

5. How long is your hair?
not that long, i want it to be longer tho.

6. Are you good looking?
not really i guess.

7. Last movie you watched?
love and other drugs

8. Who were you with?
nobody

9. Last thing you ate?
Ayam Mas crispy chicken

10. Last thing you drank?
plain water and dutch lady chocolate milk.

11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
likeee right now? haha

12. Who came over last?
nobody

13. Are you happy right now?
yeah, not really. i dont know.

14. What did you say last?
'diam ah'

15. Where is your phone?
i dont even know. somewhere. in my room i guess

16. What color are your eyes?
deep brown. nak jugakkkk brown kan padahal black. x tahu.

17. Are you left-handed?
nope

18. Spell your name without vowels:
ai aio

19. Do you have any pets?
nahhh

20. Favorite Vacation?
dah lame x pegi..x igt.

21. What do you dislike currently?
everything?

22. What are you listening to?
adele's songs. hmm

23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
a car? volkswagen beetle is friggin cute.

24. What is your favorite scent?
my room. i dont know what it smells like

25. Who makes you happiest?
today, no one.

26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
eating ice cream

27. When is your birthday?
october the 6th

28. Who has the same phone as you?
as far as i know, no one?

29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
2 years ago.

30. Do you read your horoscope?
not really, used to in school, but not really believe in it

31. Where was the last place you bought something?
KFC

32. How do you feel about your hair right now?
need a little adjustment haha

33. Do you bite your nails?
nope

34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
nah

35. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
-

36. Myspace or facebook?
fb, but moving on to twitter

37. How fast have you driven a car?
80 maybe?

38. Have you ever smoked?
yes, with my sister. and the rest is history. HAHA

39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?
English and Biology

40. Do you have Verizon?
nope

41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
tall, well not usually lah

42. Do you have any hidden talents?
yeah, making people believe me that im a total innocent

43. Favorite Song?
right now, someone like you kot

44. Do you like to sing at all?
yes, i sing all the time, anywhere. haha

45. Dream Job?
open a chocolate store. haha

46. Where does most of your family live?
seremban?

47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
have siblings

48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
yeah, sometime

49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
wakey wakey its jpj day bitch.

50. Do you drink?
no

51. Know any other languages?
learning chinese a bit from co-workers

52. Ever write a coded message?
yes

53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?
yes

54. Do you have any children?
no

55. Did you take a nap today?
one hour

56. Who has the same birthday as you?
haha tapai

57. Ever met anyone famous before?
not really

58. Do you want to be famous one day?
why not

59. Any Pet Peeves?
-

60. Are you multitasking right now?
not really

61. Do you like Britany Spears?
used to. haha

62. What is your least favorite chore?
sidai kain

63. Last place you drove your car?
jpj test route

64. Ever been out of the country?
no. kesian kan?

65. Where were you born?
N sembilan

66. Could you handle being in the military?
hahahha no

67. What is your average cell phone bill?
i use prepaid

68. Who are you thinking about right now?
the people who going to read this stupid survey.

69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
13th feb

70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
3 i guess? kesian kan?

71. Are your toes always painted?
nope

72. How many piercings do you have?
none

73. What are you doing today?
driving test, open new bank account and cook

74. Have you ever been gambling?
no

75. When is the last time you updated your page?
today

76. Do you like rollercoasters?
never tried

77. Have you ever been to disneyland or world?
nope. kesian kan?

78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
no.

79. Last thing you cooked?
Ayam Mas Crispy Chicken

80. How's the weather?
fine

81. Do you e-mail?
nope

82. What's the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
downloading games that end up boring me

83. Last time you were sick?
tak ingat

84. What states have you lived in?
im in N9 my whole life, really.

85. Do you wish you could move?
yes, somewhere far away.(bajet gile)

86. Do you take all the QuizPox.com quizzes?
huh? no.

87. What is your dream car?
Volkswagen Beetle

88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?
yes.

89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
with all my friends, having road trip to somewhere nice and far from home :)

90. Are you happy with your life?
yeah, its not that bad lah.

Leia Mais

I am number four

not about the movie, or book. its my angka giliran for my jpj test today. well the engine died once, and i am acting all nerdy and overly nervous boy infront of the jpj tester, even im not really THAT nervous. but once i entered the car, rihanna's songs was playing on the radio. and the jpj guy was fine, he kinda told me everything i need to do while im driving so i just followed what he directed me to do, he make it a little easy for me, but at the same time, its kinda discomforting cause im not really focused, in addition of the music playing at the background gave me both soothing and irritating at the same time, i dont know, but it all went well until we were at the exact junction to parking the car, i was confused whether i should enter the junction or not, and i got scolded, thanks, abang jpj for making my supposed-to-be-a-great-day to a nerve recking moment. i dont know what i just said. i got 16/20. and its doesnt matter as long i passed right? thanks to my driving instructor, Abg Misri, im gonna miss the moment you singing those 80's Malay songs while teaching me to drive, and Cik Shida, and my dad for those extra classes at home. now, i have to complete my motorcycle's license which im not excited looking forward to.

im looking a right movie to watch tonight, but the mood melted and i dont know why.

Leia Mais

friends

im not going to talk about how my day was today. as usual, when i logged in to my blogger i'll read every single blog posts by people who im following. it doesnt matter how long, stupid or hard to understand, i'll read all your posts. cause thats one of the reason im creating my blog, not just to babbling about whats going on in my head, but i want to know, to read, about other people's mind, life and confessions. i just read my friend's blog, allan and yuna. i almost cried while reading allan's post, then yuna. oh my god. i cried. ive been blogging since 2009 and after reading my friends blog i realized ive never been 100% sincere in my posts. i post about less important things instead about the main stuff thats goes on my mind. rasa macam rendah diri bila bace blog diorang. they let out everything without even care about what people say, tapi aku masih takut about what people may think. reading yuna and allan's blogs makes me realized what is the thing that i always felt like missing in me. i thought its about someone i love, but never tell my feelings towards that person, i thought its about how miserable my life is being so lonely and got nobody to share my world with. now i know that was all wrong. fucking wrong. the things that makes my feel lonely, miserable and missing is my friends. i was totally forgotten them. i forgot what are their roles in my life, they are my comfort, they are my place to share everything, to share my world not that stupid person i think im in love with. yeah i start to feel like life is getting harder everyday, especially after school. why? because my friends are not around. im just busy with my life, wanted to get a job, want to get my driving license but never think about spending time with my friends. sometimes i feel like i am too greedy about things. i want everything according to plan. what the hell is wrong with me?

im glad that our friendship is still there even we are all over the place, none of us seeing each other that often. thats sucks. i want the clock turing a little bit faster so that i can see my friends. theres a lot to talk about. im sorry that i abandoned you guys. im sorry that i didnt call you, haqim, im sorry i ignoring your phone call, im sorry that i think that i dont need you guys. im just sorry.

p/s: happy birthday to my niece, Adra Qistina, dah dua tahun dah. thanks for brighten my day. love you :D

Leia Mais