i lost the love i loved the most

movie night- the edge of love (2008)

what is it feel like to be in love? and how about the feeling if the love failed? after all you had given for love and it just disappeared, and the hopes just vanished. im asking this cause i never feel any of those feelings in my life, and if someone already did, why still find love? all the feeling ive ever been is the feeling that i dont even sure about. is it love? is it real? or is it just me? ive been waiting for the answer but it keeps bothering me and i hate waiting. now that im working and start to get busy everyday i wish i cant forget about everything. but once i got home, the feeling comes back. and its sucks. im ready to move on but its not that easy. i keep this on my own. it just need time. yeah time. how long. i dont know.

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working bebeh.

remember i used to blog about the tees i bought at FOS Mid Valley? yeah, nowadays i am the one who responsible to sell that tees. yeah. im working at FOS right now. i have a great first day, and today is my second day working, 12 hours straight. but its better then yesterday cause they give me extra work to do so i wont just standing doing nothing to kill the time. the people there are great. we dont get along that quick but its fine to me as long they dont give any pain in my ass. they teach me things and i started to learn how the system goes.

why working?
of course money lah. but thats not all. im the kind of person who had trouble meeting strangers and its hard for me to really talk to them.i dont know, maybe im shy or what so ever. but now since that im working and has to face the public, i dont have the problems no more. i even singing in front of the customers who came into the store. hell, what i care.

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curb my enthusiasm.

its been quite a day. went out to JJ with my friends, and had lunch with my other friend and her friends which i had no idea who they were. and it was awkward to join in someone else school reunion and and you just sat there tried to figure out what the hell are they talking about. well, skip that. then we went to watch movie Faster. its not the kind of movie i really care to watch, but its not that bad at all.

and....i finally get hired. ill start working tomorrow. FOS. JJ s2. clothing shop. whats up about that huh? but im grateful that i even found a job. i hope my first day wont be the worst day in my life. wish me luck, strangers.

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Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art

'I only wished we were butterflies and lived but three summer days, three such days with you I could fill with more delight than 50 common years could ever contain.'

i watched this last night. yeah another love story. its about John Keat's 3 years love story with Fanny Brawne. its a 2009 movie and i dont know how i just encountered with this movie but it makes me really want to watch it. i guess the best romantic movie is where both or one of the character died at the end of the movie. i guess. tonight im watching Date Night. i seriously need something to make me laugh tonight.

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someday, hope so.

tomorrow will be a hard day for me to go through. it will be two years tomorrow. how fast the time traveled. im not the kind of person who always open to people on how i felt about something and its hard for me to let out what inside me even to my sister, my ultimate best friend, or my close friends at school, who ever at all. and its kinda awkward for me to let it out here, even it wont be clear enough for anybody to understand what the hell im talking about. i wish i can turn back time two years ago, and give it a proper goodbyes and tell him how much i love him and how much i wish we were close enough as siblings. and it was all because of him i went to boarding school, and it was because of him i tried very hard for spm eventhough sometimes i do not take it seriously on studies but because of him, i keep study. i hope that my spm results will be good enough to make him proud. even he was not here anymore, i still think he is the one who gave me the spirit to move on.

i dreamed about him a week ago. he smiles, but it was a short appearance. but it was enough for me to see his face, even in a dream. its not like i never except for what had happened, but when people asked me about my siblings, my answer will be always like he is still here, still working somewhere, still with his family, yeah. its not easy. but im very grateful that everybody is doing alright, move on but not forget. and i wish i could tell him how great his daughter is. she is brilliant and bright. and i want to tell him how lucky he is to have her. anyhow, my prayers will always to him, and even i felt like we never had a chance to know each other that well, he will be always in my heart and maybe someday, somewhere, i will meet him again.

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hmmm

i feel strange today. its like everything annoys me and i really, really want to be alone. i need some space. i didnt reply peoples texts and i was just sitting in room reading, listening to songs. and im online my facebook right now but i dont feel like to interact with anybody. im just in my own world. i dont know what is it bothering me, but it makes me feel sick of everything. and i dont even know why im posting this, maybe i just need to do something on my own. maybe i need to get a job soon before i get mad. well, im fine, really. its just a phase i guess.

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Bon Appetit!

have you ever watched the movie called Julie and Julia? its a story about this lady (played by Amy Adams) who cooked every recipes from Julia Child and post it on her blog until her blog gets popular. yeah, its pretty cool how she managed to cook all the france food and it looked damn delicious. and then she'll say, Bon Appetit! i watched this movie last year and since now is the holiday for me, i tend to cook for dinner. sometimes i did it on my own and sometimes with my sister. i kinda know how to cook since i was very young. i love to cook and how it feels when you cook. it doesnt matter how awful it will taste, it will be good enough for you to eat it till finished. haha. since the holiday started, ive done many dishes and all of the recipe i get it from internet. and tonight i managed to cook macaroni and cheese which is delicious. hmm and i will try other recipes soon.

.

well, tonight i pretty sure i will stay up till late night. so i'll watch two movies in a row. Blue Valentine and Atonement. hey, i love to watch romance so what? haha

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movie tonight- Let Me In

i dont watch it yet. just prepared myself to watch it. perut dah kenyang lepas sumbat dgn pizza, so im ready to watch this movie. and tomorrow ade driving class, which means kne bgn awl. asgdashgd!

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jobless

kenapa perlu kerja? sebab kite nak duet. kenapa nak duet? sebab nak beli bende yg dah lame kite mengidam tpi x de duet nak beli tpi ble dah beli regret mcm nak gile sebab duet abis mcm tuh jer. haha. maybe not. i want a job right now. seems like everybody i know is working their ass off to earn money and ade jugak yg berhenti sebab x tahan. i dont even have opportunity to work and some of them dah berhanti pon. yeah mmg x de keje yg senang but i really really want the experience since i got so much free time to waste before i continue study or whatever. the first job interview i had was with MPH jj s2. god i was soo confident ill get the job and i love to work there cause i love to read. i love books. but i didnt get the job. i dont know why but i never question about it. then i try to apply job at hotels. but it didnt work out. i dont even fill up the form yet. its because of some intolerable reason i just cant work there. so here i am trying to find some job at terminal 1. the most nonfunctional mall at seremban. and i had this interview at watson, and they said its full but at watson's JJ s2 still got vacant. i dont know guys. i really need to think it through.

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sunday:)

penat hari nih, pegi mid valley with yuna and we were walking lika a gay couple wondering around tried to find things to buy. well, its a great day, im not saying its bad. its his birthday and im free so we went out. then movie, yeah i want to talk about it. i couldnt believe we actually watched the move khurafat. its been years x tgk movie malaysia kt wayang. haha. terok kan. its not like im not supporting our local movie but sorry i have to say, its sucks. i dont know maybe it because our bad movie choice but come on. it supposed to be a scary movie but i think i just laugh on the cinema. okay, well whatever.

so i bought this 2 cute tees from FOS. gah, nampk sgt x de duet.haha but its okay to me. 2 for rm 32. sape x nak? masuk topshop ye ye je 50% off but the real price rm 400++ haha. and i think my tee from FOS lgi ok. kot. idk. maybe someday ill get a sugar mommy or daddy and they can throw their money on my educations, to all the stuff that i want. haha. gile. but hey, anything can happen right? maybe one day ill just wake up in the morning and got to know that i inherit some billionaire's fortune because i am a very, very good boy? maybe not. haha banyak tengok cite umputeh mcmni la jdi nye :) yeah manusia mmg mcm tuh bende yg kat depan mate pegi buang dlm tong sampah, bende yg x dapt tuh sibok nak dikerjekan. im tired. hmm bye.

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turning back the time

while im sitting and reading my Never Let Me Go novel, and the character Kathy is talking about her childhood at Hailsham, and try to remember back her past at that school makes me trying to remember my days at SASER. i miss all my friends and teachers and the surroundings. its the best. memang ade plan to post it here all about my days at saser. then bile pikir balik, whats the point? it doesnt matter at all. what is more important is i just keep it in my head. the memories. cause it is special and i keep it in the special place in my heart. saser taught me about handling myself and others, saser taught me to be independent, to be myself and dont care about what people think as long you know who you are really is. saser also taught me about love. im gonna skip that up. love. gah. its not in my main page anymore. well what i want to say is. i am missing saser and the people and the surroundings. i cant wait for March to go and step into saser's gate and take my result. no matter how well we are in spm is not the main purpose we went to saser, but what we have learnt there.

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its been a month. just telling.

its been a month since the last paper of SPM, biology. i dont want to talk about spm papers but common, a month? its feel just yesterday i was eating maggie goreng with my friends for the last time in saser at 3 in the morning. haha. okay cool, cool.

so what ive done this looooong month? all i can tell you, ive done pretty much a lot of things but none of it really, really kebabom. you know, kebabom to tell you. haha.
all i remember is ive gone karaoke with haqim and lalat, went to kl to meet yuna, shah and nik- we did have fun playing bowling and i watched narnia. then mi life started to grow more boring and boring.

then i did start to take my driving license, ive already got my L for both motorcycle and car. and driving a car is addictive especially when you are on the road. ahaha. like smpai brother yg ajar tuh, " wah dah laju ek.. dah terer lah tuh.." haha and he started singing while im driving. yeah.

then i watch all the movie that i really, really, want to watch that i knew it wont come out in malaysian's theater. haha some of it are;

• Never Let Me Go
• Black Swan
• Scott Pillgrim vs the World
• Flipped
• Chloe
• Easy A
• The Tourist
• The Runaways
• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt 1
• Paranormal Activity 2
• The Other Guys
• I Love You Phillip Morris
• The Kids Are Allright

i guess these are the movie that i remember i watched. maybe theres more. i just cant remember it right now.
and currently im reading Never Let Me GO by Kazuo Ishiguro. i guess im the kind of person who read novels that actually adapted to movie. but everybody know that movies and books are different. right?
well whats the point im telling you all this? hey this is the meaningless blog ev-er right? ha-ha

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i guess im back right?

okay, im gonna start blogging here i guess. why? because i just couldn't bare enough to delete this blog. ive got soo much already here. so i think its a little pain in the butt to delete what ive had started. so, from now on im gonna post my blog here and i got so much to write here and like always i dont care if anyone read it or not. i just want to let it out from my mind. i dont do diary thingy. so im blogging. but still, im gonna tumblrin. and maybe post some of the pictures i got from there. sooo where should i start?

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