Twenty-twelve.

Hello.

I remember I said on my last year's post, 2012 going to be a crazy year. Well, it is CRAZY. Where should I start. Oh yeah, college starts as usual, then prepared for AS and IELTS. And then yeah, the bigger exam A2, repeat AS, (ouch) yeah pretty crazy.

But its been the most meaningful year for me, kinda like roller coaster ride. Its keeps me high and scares, and   laugh at the same time. I guess my life in 2012 wasn't that bad at all. I met with awesome group of people, and they make me feel like I am accepted the way I am.

2012 also been the year I cried a lot. Crying over the exam results, over the goodbyes, the drama. But I turned out to be fine. Yeah, at least I know I'm fine now. I was at the lowest, coldest ground but I did keep my heads up to breathe, and I keep breathing. Which is fine for me just to know I have more to gain in tomorrows.

As in feelings, I think I've moved on, and let go. Someone told me to not let go, but I think I have to for my own good. I can see that every steps that I'm taking now is to let go.

I am blessed to have these people around me : My family, my best friends, my close friends, my friends, my housemates, my classmates and the list is going on....

(wow I am overly positive right now)

So, I will close this year with forgiving and letting go my past. Which ever next year will lead me, I am ready.

X

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Let go.

Hello readers,

I might have or haven't did it again. I promised myself I won't let it happen again but I guess it did happened. And this time its way more than I would've imagine it is. I'm not even sure what to call it. Love? Maybe. After trying to move on from my high school past, it hit me again. And I might actually know how is it going to end, and I'm sure its going to end badly and I will end up hurt, but it happened.

I tried so hard to shield myself but I ended up suffocating, trying to breathe, because I want more, and I felt bad about that. I know I'm going to hurt but I couldn't help myself. "Don't play with fire" as wise man said. But I wasn't sure it will be that dangerous.

But I thank Allah for making everything turned out to be much more than I wanted it to be. I let go. I let go the second I'm saying goodbye. And that's the whole reasons I cried when I said it. I cannot ask more, I got what is more precious than I thought it is. I got friendship. And I'm going to keep it that way. Because this is how things meant to be and I'm going to learn to accept it.

I'm going to miss those hugs, those eyes, and those hands that I thought were made to hold my hands cause I've never hold anyone's hands that is so perfect with mine. I'm glad I took every last days to the very best cause I'm aware I might not going to have it anymore, not anymore with the feelings still inside me. I'm letting go something that seems to be very special to me, but I'm going to save something is even more precious, the friendships.

Love,

  Shafiq.

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Goodbyes

Hello readers.
I'm here, yes, still reading your posts, and it took me a while to have the guts to write again. I don't know what I'm scared about, but for sure I'm scared I would let it all here and make people who cares wondering.
I really want to post a blog since my holiday starts but yeah, I'm scared.

Yes, A-level ended, so does my college life in KTT. The small place that give me everything I could ever asked. It was sad to leave everything and everyone behind but we got to move on, right?
I guess I'm not the kind of person that good at saying goodbyes and change things around because I hate of starting new, I hate doing things from square one. Yeah, I hated it when the first time I went to KTT because I have to start all over again with new people, but I am grateful I keep being who I am inside until today that I've gone through the 1.5 years with success.

So right now I'm just going to enjoy the time home and this (hopefully) long holiday and move on.

I got so many things to say, so many questions to ask here but I might choose to keep it to myself, or maybe I'll write it somewhere else. Until we meet again.

Love, 

Shafiq

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The Way.

Malam raya.
So, how's my Ramadhan went?
I can't describe it in words, its EVERYTHING. Ramadhan ni ramadhan paling bermakna, paling banyak memori and I think I'm going to remember it for the rest of my life, yes. RAMADHAN 2012.

Hati. Hati ni berputar sana sini, di terbalikkan, di campak, belek-belek, di letakkan di tempat tinggi. Gembira, sedih, hancur, excited, berbunga, semua Allah yang jadikan. Di saat terima results AS, malma tuh aku berdoa, walauapapun result aku dapat, aku terima, aku nak Allah hadirkan REDHA dalam hati ini, aku nak Allah berada di sisiku. YES, that's exactly what He gave me.

Sedih. Memang sedih, tapi hati ni perlahan-lahan terima jugak, sedih bukan sebab Allah hancurkan hati ni, taakkkk. Sedih sebab orang-orang yang concern, yang give me the words to get me back on my feet. I never blamed anyone, not even myself. I cried because, I need to. But it all goes away, somehow, it makes me stronger.

Allah takkan bagi ujian ni kalau aku tak kuat, Dia tahu aku boleh, alah baru ujian sikit je nih, but to feel how He is with you, how He wants to show you THE WAY, even in the most ridiculous way, He knows what's the best. and that's beautiful. Not everybody get what I've got.

For those who believing me, yes, I love you guys, my parents, my sister, my family, Yuna, Haqim, GBS. They are always there. Maybe this is one of the way Allah wants me to know how much people around me love me, support me and at the same time I getting closer to him.

Yes, I love this Ramadhan, kinda sad its leaving me, leaving us. And i cannot wait for the next one. InsyaAllah. 

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What might you do?

There's so many things i really want to write here but i think im just going to squeeze it here in one post. Yeah. LAZY.

So I'm on my holiday right now, just after AS examinations. Doing things I really wanted to do with my friends, Yuna and Jiga and shopping all around KL and got into every single Kitschen stores we could find in EVERY mall we visited but ended up buying NONE of if. I love it. When you feel like your feet like going to detach from your body just because you keep walking to find some good price clothes we can buy. Love it. Shopping with my best friend is great.

Apart of that I do missing my college friends and the crazy things we do together. Yeah, with GBS I tried many new things, and thats what I love about being with them. Banana Boat, Ice Skating, and many more (just because we don't want any other people know what we were doing). Yes.

Ouh yeah, I also went to Christina Perri's concert. My first concert experience actually, and its perfect. She played songs from her album Lovestrong and some new songs for new upcoming second album.  I had a great time there and I would like to go to this kind of concert, you know, pop or indie where people dont go crazy.

Now I'm trying not to be over nervous about my upcoming exam results and Ielts or International Tests whatsoever, I'm trying to enjoy this holiday as much as i can and trying not to worry much about the future. EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

much love. X

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when....

There's a time when you feel like everybody around you is your definite enemy.

There's a time when you dream about things that you sure with all your heart that it won't be reality.

There's a time when you're not sure whether you are ready to face the future.

There's a time when you want to feel the old feelings that had brought you to the ground, still you miss the feelings and the acknowledgementof your heart is empty with nothing is hurtful too, you are confuse what to choose.

There's a time when you laying in bed in the dark, you can't help to think that you're lonely and maybe someday you'll be alone and everybody will leave you.

There's a time when you feel the unexplainable pain right in your chest and you know it's stupid to have that pain, to even let it happen in you.

There's a time when you know what to let go but still, to know that there's a thing you can't throw away upset you, but no, you took it as a strength, to move on.

You are strong enough to get through this, you know it, but there's a time when you have had enough. You know Allah created your heart with only ONE hole in it, and He is the one who deserves to be in it than any of the creatures you thought might be perfect to be in your heart.

So, don't be sad, don't get mad.

You know everything will be okay. You know you won't even standing to this date if you're not strong enough.

X

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Holes inside.

we try to make that love thingy. total failure!

HI? Anyone care anymore? No? okay.

hmmm my last post was like in january, now its freaking June. okay. Its like half of the year. Lots, lots of things happened, lots of story to tell. Thanks to Cambridge A-level, i almost forgot i have a blog to take care of. Its June. Im still in the middle of my AS exam. Wow don't ask about the questions, it seems like educations nowadays keep putting more and more locks on the door to get through to our dreams. okay whatever.

But i AM grateful to have 9 awesome friends/college mates that make my life little less boring. We did what most of the kids at KTT don't do, especially when one of us bring a car and we will go wild to get the hell out of the college gate and be young, feel young. I love you guys.

Speaking of love, wow that was long time ago huh. I feel free for awhile, like there's an empty hole in my heart that i can't afford to feel weird to not have that 'feelings'. but yeah not long after that it came back for different person. But I didn't let myself be that stupid person i was before I be more careful with feelings and stuff. And yeah I'm happy and better than ever.

That's all from me for now. Wait another 6 months for the next post y'all!

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Open Up.

Hello people. Yes. My first post for 2012. and i know 2012 going to be a crazy year for me. i know.

I don't really want to talk about that.

It's been quite a year for me on 2011 and I'm ready to step forward and face everything in 2012. So this week I took my chance to meet my friends, my high school friends. We do have such a great time together and I'm thanking Allah for giving me awesome people to surround with.

And i can't forget the night where all of us have heart to heart conversations, i can see we are growing up, being more mature and learning from things that happening in our lives. But of course, we won't quite forget about our past. Its still there. Its what keep us strong as friends.

And the time had already came for me to tell them the secret I've been keeping all these years. Questions were asked. Explanations were demanded. I can't really tell them the whole picture of it cause everything that happened to me was like a dream that you just have only a small portion of the images from the dream when you woke up. The images are in my mind, in my heart but it was hard for me to get it out by words. It was not easy.

But I'm over it. So over that I do feel like I was being so dump for even having the feeling that I shouldn't have. And by talking about it, surprisingly, made me realized everything was a joke. And I'm grateful for that.

"Dia ade bagi harapan ke kat kau?"

I don't know what to answer cause I'm not even sure about everything. About what I felt.

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