Almost

Hello.

If you noticed my starting line will be 'Its been a while...' but it is. It is been a while. What motivates me to post this is, the promise I keep to keep posting in this blog even once a year because I'm not going to leave this blog, I want to write, as long as I can.

I'm thinking to write a journal or something where I can actually write whatever I want without the feeling of being judge but, I'm not ready yet, to pour out everything, just not yet.

Wow I feel awkward. This is my blog for god sake. Okay, let me just write about things I've learnt these past few months. And yeah, 2013 is definitely the year of transition, the year of change.

This year I've learnt that, to lose everything you have ever wanted, even if you managed to grab it in your hands, it'll just slip away. Once you realized you've lost it, then all you got to do is to let it go.  I almost thought my dreams became reality, I almost felt how is it like to be loved, I almost have the material and worldly things I've always wanted, I almost felt genuinely safe, I almost thought my life is complete. I almost thought I've forgotten everything that saddens me, and be happy. But life is surprising. It'll take you down the road you never thought you will go through, not matter how much you are ready to take it in, you'll be surprised. TA-DA.

But darling, you'll get through it, keep going.

I also learnt that its okay to be alone sometimes, its okay to give yourself the space. Yeah, there's a time I thought I was crazy for talking to myself, but in a way, I learn about myself better. Its not like I'm pushing everybody away, but I need to keep things for myself. I need to feel sane for awhile, and breathe. And its okay.

love, shafiq.

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Twenty-twelve.

Hello.

I remember I said on my last year's post, 2012 going to be a crazy year. Well, it is CRAZY. Where should I start. Oh yeah, college starts as usual, then prepared for AS and IELTS. And then yeah, the bigger exam A2, repeat AS, (ouch) yeah pretty crazy.

But its been the most meaningful year for me, kinda like roller coaster ride. Its keeps me high and scares, and   laugh at the same time. I guess my life in 2012 wasn't that bad at all. I met with awesome group of people, and they make me feel like I am accepted the way I am.

2012 also been the year I cried a lot. Crying over the exam results, over the goodbyes, the drama. But I turned out to be fine. Yeah, at least I know I'm fine now. I was at the lowest, coldest ground but I did keep my heads up to breathe, and I keep breathing. Which is fine for me just to know I have more to gain in tomorrows.

As in feelings, I think I've moved on, and let go. Someone told me to not let go, but I think I have to for my own good. I can see that every steps that I'm taking now is to let go.

I am blessed to have these people around me : My family, my best friends, my close friends, my friends, my housemates, my classmates and the list is going on....

(wow I am overly positive right now)

So, I will close this year with forgiving and letting go my past. Which ever next year will lead me, I am ready.

X

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Let go.

Hello readers,

I might have or haven't did it again. I promised myself I won't let it happen again but I guess it did happened. And this time its way more than I would've imagine it is. I'm not even sure what to call it. Love? Maybe. After trying to move on from my high school past, it hit me again. And I might actually know how is it going to end, and I'm sure its going to end badly and I will end up hurt, but it happened.

I tried so hard to shield myself but I ended up suffocating, trying to breathe, because I want more, and I felt bad about that. I know I'm going to hurt but I couldn't help myself. "Don't play with fire" as wise man said. But I wasn't sure it will be that dangerous.

But I thank Allah for making everything turned out to be much more than I wanted it to be. I let go. I let go the second I'm saying goodbye. And that's the whole reasons I cried when I said it. I cannot ask more, I got what is more precious than I thought it is. I got friendship. And I'm going to keep it that way. Because this is how things meant to be and I'm going to learn to accept it.

I'm going to miss those hugs, those eyes, and those hands that I thought were made to hold my hands cause I've never hold anyone's hands that is so perfect with mine. I'm glad I took every last days to the very best cause I'm aware I might not going to have it anymore, not anymore with the feelings still inside me. I'm letting go something that seems to be very special to me, but I'm going to save something is even more precious, the friendships.

Love,

  Shafiq.

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Goodbyes

Hello readers.
I'm here, yes, still reading your posts, and it took me a while to have the guts to write again. I don't know what I'm scared about, but for sure I'm scared I would let it all here and make people who cares wondering.
I really want to post a blog since my holiday starts but yeah, I'm scared.

Yes, A-level ended, so does my college life in KTT. The small place that give me everything I could ever asked. It was sad to leave everything and everyone behind but we got to move on, right?
I guess I'm not the kind of person that good at saying goodbyes and change things around because I hate of starting new, I hate doing things from square one. Yeah, I hated it when the first time I went to KTT because I have to start all over again with new people, but I am grateful I keep being who I am inside until today that I've gone through the 1.5 years with success.

So right now I'm just going to enjoy the time home and this (hopefully) long holiday and move on.

I got so many things to say, so many questions to ask here but I might choose to keep it to myself, or maybe I'll write it somewhere else. Until we meet again.

Love, 

Shafiq

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The Way.

Malam raya.
So, how's my Ramadhan went?
I can't describe it in words, its EVERYTHING. Ramadhan ni ramadhan paling bermakna, paling banyak memori and I think I'm going to remember it for the rest of my life, yes. RAMADHAN 2012.

Hati. Hati ni berputar sana sini, di terbalikkan, di campak, belek-belek, di letakkan di tempat tinggi. Gembira, sedih, hancur, excited, berbunga, semua Allah yang jadikan. Di saat terima results AS, malma tuh aku berdoa, walauapapun result aku dapat, aku terima, aku nak Allah hadirkan REDHA dalam hati ini, aku nak Allah berada di sisiku. YES, that's exactly what He gave me.

Sedih. Memang sedih, tapi hati ni perlahan-lahan terima jugak, sedih bukan sebab Allah hancurkan hati ni, taakkkk. Sedih sebab orang-orang yang concern, yang give me the words to get me back on my feet. I never blamed anyone, not even myself. I cried because, I need to. But it all goes away, somehow, it makes me stronger.

Allah takkan bagi ujian ni kalau aku tak kuat, Dia tahu aku boleh, alah baru ujian sikit je nih, but to feel how He is with you, how He wants to show you THE WAY, even in the most ridiculous way, He knows what's the best. and that's beautiful. Not everybody get what I've got.

For those who believing me, yes, I love you guys, my parents, my sister, my family, Yuna, Haqim, GBS. They are always there. Maybe this is one of the way Allah wants me to know how much people around me love me, support me and at the same time I getting closer to him.

Yes, I love this Ramadhan, kinda sad its leaving me, leaving us. And i cannot wait for the next one. InsyaAllah. 

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What might you do?

There's so many things i really want to write here but i think im just going to squeeze it here in one post. Yeah. LAZY.

So I'm on my holiday right now, just after AS examinations. Doing things I really wanted to do with my friends, Yuna and Jiga and shopping all around KL and got into every single Kitschen stores we could find in EVERY mall we visited but ended up buying NONE of if. I love it. When you feel like your feet like going to detach from your body just because you keep walking to find some good price clothes we can buy. Love it. Shopping with my best friend is great.

Apart of that I do missing my college friends and the crazy things we do together. Yeah, with GBS I tried many new things, and thats what I love about being with them. Banana Boat, Ice Skating, and many more (just because we don't want any other people know what we were doing). Yes.

Ouh yeah, I also went to Christina Perri's concert. My first concert experience actually, and its perfect. She played songs from her album Lovestrong and some new songs for new upcoming second album.  I had a great time there and I would like to go to this kind of concert, you know, pop or indie where people dont go crazy.

Now I'm trying not to be over nervous about my upcoming exam results and Ielts or International Tests whatsoever, I'm trying to enjoy this holiday as much as i can and trying not to worry much about the future. EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

much love. X

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when....

There's a time when you feel like everybody around you is your definite enemy.

There's a time when you dream about things that you sure with all your heart that it won't be reality.

There's a time when you're not sure whether you are ready to face the future.

There's a time when you want to feel the old feelings that had brought you to the ground, still you miss the feelings and the acknowledgementof your heart is empty with nothing is hurtful too, you are confuse what to choose.

There's a time when you laying in bed in the dark, you can't help to think that you're lonely and maybe someday you'll be alone and everybody will leave you.

There's a time when you feel the unexplainable pain right in your chest and you know it's stupid to have that pain, to even let it happen in you.

There's a time when you know what to let go but still, to know that there's a thing you can't throw away upset you, but no, you took it as a strength, to move on.

You are strong enough to get through this, you know it, but there's a time when you have had enough. You know Allah created your heart with only ONE hole in it, and He is the one who deserves to be in it than any of the creatures you thought might be perfect to be in your heart.

So, don't be sad, don't get mad.

You know everything will be okay. You know you won't even standing to this date if you're not strong enough.

X

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