Almost

Hello.

If you noticed my starting line will be 'Its been a while...' but it is. It is been a while. What motivates me to post this is, the promise I keep to keep posting in this blog even once a year because I'm not going to leave this blog, I want to write, as long as I can.

I'm thinking to write a journal or something where I can actually write whatever I want without the feeling of being judge but, I'm not ready yet, to pour out everything, just not yet.

Wow I feel awkward. This is my blog for god sake. Okay, let me just write about things I've learnt these past few months. And yeah, 2013 is definitely the year of transition, the year of change.

This year I've learnt that, to lose everything you have ever wanted, even if you managed to grab it in your hands, it'll just slip away. Once you realized you've lost it, then all you got to do is to let it go.  I almost thought my dreams became reality, I almost felt how is it like to be loved, I almost have the material and worldly things I've always wanted, I almost felt genuinely safe, I almost thought my life is complete. I almost thought I've forgotten everything that saddens me, and be happy. But life is surprising. It'll take you down the road you never thought you will go through, not matter how much you are ready to take it in, you'll be surprised. TA-DA.

But darling, you'll get through it, keep going.

I also learnt that its okay to be alone sometimes, its okay to give yourself the space. Yeah, there's a time I thought I was crazy for talking to myself, but in a way, I learn about myself better. Its not like I'm pushing everybody away, but I need to keep things for myself. I need to feel sane for awhile, and breathe. And its okay.

love, shafiq.