Open Up.

Hello people. Yes. My first post for 2012. and i know 2012 going to be a crazy year for me. i know.

I don't really want to talk about that.

It's been quite a year for me on 2011 and I'm ready to step forward and face everything in 2012. So this week I took my chance to meet my friends, my high school friends. We do have such a great time together and I'm thanking Allah for giving me awesome people to surround with.

And i can't forget the night where all of us have heart to heart conversations, i can see we are growing up, being more mature and learning from things that happening in our lives. But of course, we won't quite forget about our past. Its still there. Its what keep us strong as friends.

And the time had already came for me to tell them the secret I've been keeping all these years. Questions were asked. Explanations were demanded. I can't really tell them the whole picture of it cause everything that happened to me was like a dream that you just have only a small portion of the images from the dream when you woke up. The images are in my mind, in my heart but it was hard for me to get it out by words. It was not easy.

But I'm over it. So over that I do feel like I was being so dump for even having the feeling that I shouldn't have. And by talking about it, surprisingly, made me realized everything was a joke. And I'm grateful for that.

"Dia ade bagi harapan ke kat kau?"

I don't know what to answer cause I'm not even sure about everything. About what I felt.

Leia Mais

2011- the whole of it.

Okay, today is the last day of 2011. And I'm not in my best of health but I'm recovering from this fever. And i know Allah has a better plan for me, so today i will celebrate New Year just like past few years, sitting in front of this very same computer and listening to music and chatting with friends on facebook. Wow. What a wonderful way to celebrate. Maybe if i get out and have fun i will have TOO MUCH fun. okay. enough.

2011.

What a year.
It teaches me everything i never thought i would learn. Many new things happened and appeared in front of me with or without me noticing it. And some, remain the same. but, yeah. Still, I'm grateful for everything.

I learn about our society's behavior when i worked at FOS, i learn how hard it is to find money and how important education is, i learn about real world. How is it to be work under employer. I tell you, its not always that fun but you'll cherish it.

Then i got to know good news. I got the scholarship under Mara. One step to achieve my dream, to become a dentist. That one small step change everything. About my life, myself and the way i appreciate things.

Then I got to continue my study. New collage, KTT, Sepang. New environment, new people, new attitude i guess. But what i grateful of with this collage is, i met awesome friends, we called ourselves GBS, we made a small group but awesome enough to take care of each other, and make each other laughs everyday. And my studies here still, I'm very disappointed with myself, i know something wrong with me, and now I'm trying to make myself better so that i can get this A-level done and fly.

Yeah i said some of things still the same. Like my feelings towards you? I don't know what went wrong but I'm happy the feelings that keep make myself miserable is gone now, for now. I'm glad that you are not the one i think of every time i listen to a sad, love song. Yeah not anymore. Its kinda weird cause nowadays when i listen to Adele, its not you appearing in my mind, my mind is empty. Thank you for making things clear actually.

That's all i guess. Cant wait for the countdown. I love you guys, I love myself, I love every person who care about me. I love you, Allah for keep making me realise how much my life worth to keep trying and be stronger each day. Alhamdulillah, i close this year with an open heart.

Much love,
Shafiq. X

Leia Mais

Only fools rush in.

Well, im still breathing.

Ive been busy with collage for finals, and finally its done. Gone through pretty much emotional weeks because like i always say, exams do change me in the way i act and in the way my brain suppose to respond. its different. but hey, im back. now its a week of sem break. yeah, its short but im going to spend more time with my family and friends. i just cant believe its been 6 months i am reading at KTT.

So in this entry i would like to share about a movie i just watched, Like Crazy.

Im kinda guy who loves to a low-budget indie movies. I like it cause its usually simple, down to earth and yeah, no bull-shits.

So this movie kinda remind me of one of my fav, Blue Valentine. It shows us the reality, that happening around us.

You said nothing is changed, but i can see so many things changing and i feel kinda regret to have this feeling sometimes, i dont know about whats coming on future but i hope it wont be that bad. i dont want to be at the same position, please.

X

Leia Mais

Absence.

Its almost 4 in the morning. Feel so alone. So lonely. But its okay. use to it. Nothing much really happen, except that i really miss my parents right now. I can feel the absence. They went for Haji this year, praying everything going to be okay there and save. Sometimes I can feel that I am an orphan. I can see clearly how life is without my parents on my side, on my sibling's sides. but its just for a while, hopefully.

But their absence makes our bond as brothers and sister stronger than ever. Alhamdulillah for that. cause many things happens and my sister said this once to me, "Kenapa aku rase bertimpa, musibah jadi kat aku?" but she always remind herself that everything that happened is the test from the Almighty. I agree. But i just cant wait to meet my parents, i really miss them.

and the final exam is keep haunting me. still, im a big lazy ass. Malas nak study. Haih. Hopefully my mom pray for me. to be a little more hardworking, and care. yes, care about whats going on.

hmmm what else, ouh yeah. That little conversation we had just make me realised it was nothing at all. all this time is such a waste and im happy i didnt opened up anything.

so nothing more lah kot. Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha. enjoy your holiday :)

Leia Mais

alright

i really, really can't think of anything. everything seems not real anymore. and its like just a waste of time to think of those stuff. the more i think of it the more confusing it becomes. so i just want to focus on the presence.

i really dont care about anything right now. studies, heck. i just want to meet my friends, to fing connections. i miss them. they are the reasons im still hanging around on that collage. they believe in me.

its okay, its alright. if you watch E! True Hollywood Stories you know how the live. they will go down to the drain at one point of their life and turn up to be okay at last. right? we all going to be okay, right?

Leia Mais

Eighteen

These couples of weeks have been quite a journey. I was at the state where i was so sad and extremely happy.

why sad?

hmm i cried a lot. yeah. because my maths lecturer, miss fateha is going to leave us, leave me. The rumor starts to spread weeks before the night she gathered all of us to tell the sad news. I was just sad and angry when i heard about the news she's leaving but even sadder and hurt when she told us to close our eyes, and listen to what she got to say. I knew it would happen. I knew, but it was hurt just like the first time i heard it. yeah, shes leaving.

I know why shes leaving. and I know she have a solid reasons to leave. I am happy with her choice. I am happy that shes trying to be happy but, shes the main reasons why im still struggling taking maths, still bother to solve the maths problems because i love the way she teaches us, i love her class, she made me accept maths the way it is and continue doing it eventhough i can just simply drop maths anytime i want.

Even its hard to accept that shes going to leave KTT in few days, I will try to keep the promises. She dont want us to drop maths.

"Shafiq, awak boleh, boleh dapat A, usaha lebih, Miss tau awak boleh"

"Shafiq, keluar dari zero group tu, its time awak lebih dari orang lain"

"Miss tak nak awak drop maths, sebab maths membantu awak, pecayalah cakap miss. Miss gerenti kalau awak buat elok2 boleh dapat A"

"Lepas ni miss dah takde nak marah2 awak, nak merajuk, awak kene usaha sendiri"

These words keep repeating in my head. Anyway, miss, I had a great time in your class, Im going to miss all the laughter, the pressure when doing your quiz, the fun. You make me look at maths differently. You make me take the challenge. I cant promise anything, but i will try my best. Going to miss you badly.


anddd why happy?

On 6th October, it was my birthday. My classmates and GBS (geng bas sekolah KTT) made a surprise for me. Keep me at mamak until 12 and went outside, there you go. My classmates who live at the apartment sing Happy Birthday with piano. Okay. The whole collage heard that. but its sooo sweet. Im happy and grateful for the rest of the day.

and on my birthday also i realised that its okay if you're already gone. its okay to be on my own. and its okay to let my heart go.

thats all. bye.

Leia Mais

Bandage

Its October. I dont know what to aspect from this month but it will mean a lot to me cause i will turn 18 this month. hmm i hate that. to know that im getting older. ceh.

but im learning. trying to figure out the world, trying to live in it.

i try to control myself nowdays trying not to hurt anybody around me, cause i know ive done that a lot, and im tired of it. but people around me not helping a bit. some of them want me to be that person who talks whatever come across his head. i dont want people to leave me, to hate me just because im loud, and always make my own sarcastic opinion. but its okay if they take it as a joke cause it is a joke.

i want to run away from everything. i just had enough. i know it will come chasing me eventually, but what if i keep running? but until when? urghhh. life.

but i know i have to be grateful for what ive got, what ive become.

yeah, yeah keep judging me. i dont mind kot.

hmmm. yeah, im excited to be 18. at least i'll try to.


been listening to this album, just to share.

my fav : Fix a heart, lightweight, my love is like star, and of course, Skyscraper.

whatever it is, Adele's 21 is still in my heart.

Leia Mais