hold me, please.

Im home. yeah. kalau post blog tuh oline kat rumah lah jawab nye. malu nak mintak budak rumah pinjam lappy nak post blog. as i dont want them to read my blog (kot).

i dont know exactly how to express my feelings right now cause i dont even know how it get to me. its been a stressful weeks, yes. but i dont know how to cope it anymore. i got nothing to hold on. yes, maybe people see me living my collage life and im doing fine right now but hey, deep down its all mess.

i dont know.

i dont know.

i dont know.

maybe its the way how people treat me here? hey i might be nice and you can pick me up with your words just because im different it doesnt mean im happy about it. hey, i might be smiling but im that closer to punch you in your face. hey i might look like i got nothing on you but i can make you cry. i can change the whole house turning into big sad fucking wretch family. but im good, im fine, thats me, i still can hold my guards and pretend its nothing.

AND yeah, the feelings i used to hold on, the feelings i dont want to let go just vanished. GONE. fucking hilang. thanks to facebook i guess. i dont know how you can be so stupid. but i dont blame you for all of this, but come on? yelah, go lah. move on, i hope you're happy or whatever. you're not the first person in my mind when i wake up in the moring anymore. so, oklah kan.

AND to my friends, im sorry, so sorry. sorry. sorry if i make you upset or something, im not a perfect best friend to have kan? macam lupe kawan ade juga, but have you ever even listen to my problems? i got no one. NO ONE to voice my feelings. even my twitter is like, my everything, but its not 100% what i felt that time. yes, i miss all of you, yes. but its not fair if you only want me when you feel like you want me that particular time but not be there when it come to my time for need you guys. Im not that rich to even call every each on of you. but im happy to have someone texted me, im okay with it if you reply me like you want to talk to me, tah ape2 je lah.

im tired, i dont know what else to say. my life is just. tah lah. i cant control it. i just want to stop everything. just give me a break. and let me fucking breathe. OK?