i cant sleep last night. i was lying in my bed in the dark, its 4.30 am. i just stared at the dark ceiling and my mind just flown away by millions of thought. i was thinking about the future, about what is it for me to do next. how many responsibility i have to carry. and i thinking about past too. and i kept thinking about the funny parts of my life at school. i always share my story about my school life with my sister and we laugh. i remember i told her about my silliest embarrassment of all when i do announcement where the whole school hear it and i laugh in the middle of the announcement and get scolded by warden? haha. i laugh alone in the dark last night when i was thinking about that event.
srsly, i dont know what im trying to tell u reader, but it was in my thoughts:)
okay here's the thing. i vowed myself lastnight that i want to start freash today. like wake up early in the morning, do my bed, clean up my ancient room. but no. instead of wake up early like im fucking planned, i woke up at 2 .30 pm. fuck. its just because of the most silliest mistake in the whole wide world. i set the alarm on 10.00 pm. PM! lol i thought i set it on A.M. so its pretty sucks for me to get up and jump out my bed and go straight to get a fucking evening shower. its not a great day to start fresh. hah. went i have lunch, i eat this meat soup(?)(malay-style soup) and yeah eventually and amazingly i get my ass to clean up my room. okay lets skip the other thing.
that night i eat thing soup again. my mom rarely cut the meat into this tiny and thin pieces (usually she chop it in big and f*****g thick pieces until u have to bite it with ur teeth to eat in small pieces- idk if u understand,,) and i sat and eat those thing in front of tv (our family dont have this stricted law where we can eat our meal, its late for dinner anyway) with rice, and i asked my mom did she cooked this or buy. she said of cause she cooked it. yet again its different. then i realized how my family sometimes cook the other part of idk cow? then i said " this is not meat isnt it? its the other part that i usually hate to eat?" my mom dgn slamber nye said "yes, haha thank god no body tell you what is it because u wont eat it if u know what that was" gosh in my head i thought of what the hell it might be, cow's lungs? intestine? tongue? hell. my mom just said " u better finished it. anugerah tuhan"
yes, my family do cook and eat the weird food. traditional food. and i know many people dont eat what they cook. but its my family. and that what they is.
i really dont know why im using internet for hours and hours. yes im using myspace but its kinda boring for me nowdays. i dont know why im posting bogs- which no one ever care to read. i guess i need to find something else to do. new thing. but the thing is i dont have enough guts to do it. what i post in my blog is not totally sincere from my heart. no. i just cant let myself write and post things that matter to me for ppl to read. i try to write diary or write everything on my head and heart on a book but it didnt work. i still wrote things that i dont really want to write about. i guess im scared to write it and to read it again. well actually no one knows what actually running through my head. no one. not even my best friends. i just simply cant tell them everything i felt. i keep everything inside me. and its hurt. gah wth im writing? readers, sometimes i do get emotional. this is another side of me.
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