hold me, please.

Im home. yeah. kalau post blog tuh oline kat rumah lah jawab nye. malu nak mintak budak rumah pinjam lappy nak post blog. as i dont want them to read my blog (kot).

i dont know exactly how to express my feelings right now cause i dont even know how it get to me. its been a stressful weeks, yes. but i dont know how to cope it anymore. i got nothing to hold on. yes, maybe people see me living my collage life and im doing fine right now but hey, deep down its all mess.

i dont know.

i dont know.

i dont know.

maybe its the way how people treat me here? hey i might be nice and you can pick me up with your words just because im different it doesnt mean im happy about it. hey, i might be smiling but im that closer to punch you in your face. hey i might look like i got nothing on you but i can make you cry. i can change the whole house turning into big sad fucking wretch family. but im good, im fine, thats me, i still can hold my guards and pretend its nothing.

AND yeah, the feelings i used to hold on, the feelings i dont want to let go just vanished. GONE. fucking hilang. thanks to facebook i guess. i dont know how you can be so stupid. but i dont blame you for all of this, but come on? yelah, go lah. move on, i hope you're happy or whatever. you're not the first person in my mind when i wake up in the moring anymore. so, oklah kan.

AND to my friends, im sorry, so sorry. sorry. sorry if i make you upset or something, im not a perfect best friend to have kan? macam lupe kawan ade juga, but have you ever even listen to my problems? i got no one. NO ONE to voice my feelings. even my twitter is like, my everything, but its not 100% what i felt that time. yes, i miss all of you, yes. but its not fair if you only want me when you feel like you want me that particular time but not be there when it come to my time for need you guys. Im not that rich to even call every each on of you. but im happy to have someone texted me, im okay with it if you reply me like you want to talk to me, tah ape2 je lah.

im tired, i dont know what else to say. my life is just. tah lah. i cant control it. i just want to stop everything. just give me a break. and let me fucking breathe. OK?

Leia Mais

How's life?

Its been almost 3 weeks i became collage student at KTT for A-level student. so how's life so far? hmmm everything is good i guess. ye lah i still remember once im teacher said, once you studied in Saser, campak kat mana2 pun boleh hidup. ye lah kot. cause my life at KTT and SASER dont have much differences. The kids here are awesome and all of them are bright students from all over the country. All have the same vision; to succeed in A-level so the we can fly to overseas to continue our studies. Most of them are future medical student.

hmmm ape nak cite lagi hah? nothing much happened, just a couple of moments that are out of our usual daily routine.

yes, im living in the house which now compact with 12 people. So you can imagine yourself how is it like. but im happy. Meriah rumah tu. macam dah semua benda ade. So feels like living in our own house dah. I don'nt bring any laptop so i can't update my blog regularly (alah kat rumah pun tak update-update -.-)

i thought i could take you our of my mind once i live a new life with new people, but you know, every time someone mentioning your name, my heart stops. Everything goes back to the place where i used to be. But im okay, cause i got a chance to meet new people and im not that stupid to let things happen twice, well not that okay cause im acting like i dont have feeling anymore. but im moving on, yes.

im going to keep updating my life, just one more thing to tell you guys, my maths, still sucks. im trying hard now. praying hard. see you later.

Leia Mais

One Step Further

Sooo whats up guys?

okay actually just wanna tell dah masuk kolej KTT dah :) Dah 4 hari di sana dan baru habis orientasi semalam (jumaat) . so yes, im moving one step further in my life and im excited about it.
now, ape nak cerita hah? macam korang kesah pulak kan. okay. im just gonna tell how is it okay. like physically. not my emotions.

Kolej Teknologi Timur (KTT) terletak dekat Sepang. So tak lah jauh mane dari Seremban. dalam 40 minit smpi lah. dengan speed bapak aku bawak kete mungkin 30 minit (sape yang pernah naik kete bapak aku bawak je tahu perasaan nye mcm mne hehe) . Aku under MARA untuk study dentistry. Di maklumkan disini aku bukan bound dengan Czech atau Poland. Tapi Australia atau New Zealand. kan dah cakap mara ni kelakar bab2 prank nih. hadoi. okay move on

Mule2 ingat kami akan tinggal di dalam kolej. just so you know kolej ni kecik je. comel. 2 rows of blocks of rumah kedai. ha dapat bayang? bawah and first floor kolej / classes, atas tuh yg rumah tuh apartment student. so nak g kelas terjun dri atas pun boleh. haha tapi bukan untuk student under mara lelaki. kami tinggal di luar kolej (yeah!) tinggal di rumah dua tingkat di tman berhampiran je.. so satu rumah 10 org tpi stakat ni rumah aku 8 je.

aku awal2 dah chop bilik untuk 2 org. Dengan harapan bleh tido situ sorg2 haha. tpi x pe lah dpat roommate. tak kisah lah bukan bapak aku bayah sewa rumah. haha.

Orientation week bermula lah. Macam2 aktiviti ade. tapi yang fun je lah kan bukan macam certain university (ahem2) but i was fun. Im in group 8. So we have to perform modern dance pada hari penutup orientasi. okay we danced High School Musical dance, and i got 'A Night To Remember' song -.- but we didn't win. takpe cause i have lots of fun and the seniors were great too.

Next monday start class. Im scared. 1.5 years of Cambridge A-level program. Hoping for the best. and i miss my friends. its okay maybe im gonna have a new friends or whatever, but you guys are still irreplaceable.

Leia Mais