Twenty-twelve.

Hello.

I remember I said on my last year's post, 2012 going to be a crazy year. Well, it is CRAZY. Where should I start. Oh yeah, college starts as usual, then prepared for AS and IELTS. And then yeah, the bigger exam A2, repeat AS, (ouch) yeah pretty crazy.

But its been the most meaningful year for me, kinda like roller coaster ride. Its keeps me high and scares, and   laugh at the same time. I guess my life in 2012 wasn't that bad at all. I met with awesome group of people, and they make me feel like I am accepted the way I am.

2012 also been the year I cried a lot. Crying over the exam results, over the goodbyes, the drama. But I turned out to be fine. Yeah, at least I know I'm fine now. I was at the lowest, coldest ground but I did keep my heads up to breathe, and I keep breathing. Which is fine for me just to know I have more to gain in tomorrows.

As in feelings, I think I've moved on, and let go. Someone told me to not let go, but I think I have to for my own good. I can see that every steps that I'm taking now is to let go.

I am blessed to have these people around me : My family, my best friends, my close friends, my friends, my housemates, my classmates and the list is going on....

(wow I am overly positive right now)

So, I will close this year with forgiving and letting go my past. Which ever next year will lead me, I am ready.

X

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Let go.

Hello readers,

I might have or haven't did it again. I promised myself I won't let it happen again but I guess it did happened. And this time its way more than I would've imagine it is. I'm not even sure what to call it. Love? Maybe. After trying to move on from my high school past, it hit me again. And I might actually know how is it going to end, and I'm sure its going to end badly and I will end up hurt, but it happened.

I tried so hard to shield myself but I ended up suffocating, trying to breathe, because I want more, and I felt bad about that. I know I'm going to hurt but I couldn't help myself. "Don't play with fire" as wise man said. But I wasn't sure it will be that dangerous.

But I thank Allah for making everything turned out to be much more than I wanted it to be. I let go. I let go the second I'm saying goodbye. And that's the whole reasons I cried when I said it. I cannot ask more, I got what is more precious than I thought it is. I got friendship. And I'm going to keep it that way. Because this is how things meant to be and I'm going to learn to accept it.

I'm going to miss those hugs, those eyes, and those hands that I thought were made to hold my hands cause I've never hold anyone's hands that is so perfect with mine. I'm glad I took every last days to the very best cause I'm aware I might not going to have it anymore, not anymore with the feelings still inside me. I'm letting go something that seems to be very special to me, but I'm going to save something is even more precious, the friendships.

Love,

  Shafiq.

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Goodbyes

Hello readers.
I'm here, yes, still reading your posts, and it took me a while to have the guts to write again. I don't know what I'm scared about, but for sure I'm scared I would let it all here and make people who cares wondering.
I really want to post a blog since my holiday starts but yeah, I'm scared.

Yes, A-level ended, so does my college life in KTT. The small place that give me everything I could ever asked. It was sad to leave everything and everyone behind but we got to move on, right?
I guess I'm not the kind of person that good at saying goodbyes and change things around because I hate of starting new, I hate doing things from square one. Yeah, I hated it when the first time I went to KTT because I have to start all over again with new people, but I am grateful I keep being who I am inside until today that I've gone through the 1.5 years with success.

So right now I'm just going to enjoy the time home and this (hopefully) long holiday and move on.

I got so many things to say, so many questions to ask here but I might choose to keep it to myself, or maybe I'll write it somewhere else. Until we meet again.

Love, 

Shafiq

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