alright

i really, really can't think of anything. everything seems not real anymore. and its like just a waste of time to think of those stuff. the more i think of it the more confusing it becomes. so i just want to focus on the presence.

i really dont care about anything right now. studies, heck. i just want to meet my friends, to fing connections. i miss them. they are the reasons im still hanging around on that collage. they believe in me.

its okay, its alright. if you watch E! True Hollywood Stories you know how the live. they will go down to the drain at one point of their life and turn up to be okay at last. right? we all going to be okay, right?

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Eighteen

These couples of weeks have been quite a journey. I was at the state where i was so sad and extremely happy.

why sad?

hmm i cried a lot. yeah. because my maths lecturer, miss fateha is going to leave us, leave me. The rumor starts to spread weeks before the night she gathered all of us to tell the sad news. I was just sad and angry when i heard about the news she's leaving but even sadder and hurt when she told us to close our eyes, and listen to what she got to say. I knew it would happen. I knew, but it was hurt just like the first time i heard it. yeah, shes leaving.

I know why shes leaving. and I know she have a solid reasons to leave. I am happy with her choice. I am happy that shes trying to be happy but, shes the main reasons why im still struggling taking maths, still bother to solve the maths problems because i love the way she teaches us, i love her class, she made me accept maths the way it is and continue doing it eventhough i can just simply drop maths anytime i want.

Even its hard to accept that shes going to leave KTT in few days, I will try to keep the promises. She dont want us to drop maths.

"Shafiq, awak boleh, boleh dapat A, usaha lebih, Miss tau awak boleh"

"Shafiq, keluar dari zero group tu, its time awak lebih dari orang lain"

"Miss tak nak awak drop maths, sebab maths membantu awak, pecayalah cakap miss. Miss gerenti kalau awak buat elok2 boleh dapat A"

"Lepas ni miss dah takde nak marah2 awak, nak merajuk, awak kene usaha sendiri"

These words keep repeating in my head. Anyway, miss, I had a great time in your class, Im going to miss all the laughter, the pressure when doing your quiz, the fun. You make me look at maths differently. You make me take the challenge. I cant promise anything, but i will try my best. Going to miss you badly.


anddd why happy?

On 6th October, it was my birthday. My classmates and GBS (geng bas sekolah KTT) made a surprise for me. Keep me at mamak until 12 and went outside, there you go. My classmates who live at the apartment sing Happy Birthday with piano. Okay. The whole collage heard that. but its sooo sweet. Im happy and grateful for the rest of the day.

and on my birthday also i realised that its okay if you're already gone. its okay to be on my own. and its okay to let my heart go.

thats all. bye.

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Bandage

Its October. I dont know what to aspect from this month but it will mean a lot to me cause i will turn 18 this month. hmm i hate that. to know that im getting older. ceh.

but im learning. trying to figure out the world, trying to live in it.

i try to control myself nowdays trying not to hurt anybody around me, cause i know ive done that a lot, and im tired of it. but people around me not helping a bit. some of them want me to be that person who talks whatever come across his head. i dont want people to leave me, to hate me just because im loud, and always make my own sarcastic opinion. but its okay if they take it as a joke cause it is a joke.

i want to run away from everything. i just had enough. i know it will come chasing me eventually, but what if i keep running? but until when? urghhh. life.

but i know i have to be grateful for what ive got, what ive become.

yeah, yeah keep judging me. i dont mind kot.

hmmm. yeah, im excited to be 18. at least i'll try to.


been listening to this album, just to share.

my fav : Fix a heart, lightweight, my love is like star, and of course, Skyscraper.

whatever it is, Adele's 21 is still in my heart.

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